“It’s sick. I see images that are inexistent. Exaggerated thoughts slowly killing my sanity. My drinks were poured all over the poor girl the same way she was to him. I couldn’t watch. I won’t. It made me sick.
It brought out the beast in me.
Why did I doubt him when he have shown me so much love? I don’t own him. If he wants to go away, nothing can stop him. He’s a man of choices not a slave.”
I woke up angry this morning. I woke up without him by my side. My anger is fresh like the alcohol in my system. He slept outside the bedroom. He went to me and embraced me but my feelings wouldn’t go away. I stood up and tried to divert my attention. I cleaned the apartment. It gave me moment to think better than I was last night.
I thought about the woman. I felt sorry. I could have acted way way better if I didn’t drink too much. I thought about my actions. Myself turned once again into a stranger.
He told me to stop what I was doing. Practically telling me to forget what happened and just lie down together. I was still angry for a reason-no longer of his actions but mine.
When I’m angry, my mind is close. I don’t see things or hear things except for my own voice. It needs a little time and it will surely pass when left untamed. Like some problems everyone deal with everyday. Sometimes all it need is time and diversion until the tension passed.
What do they say about “face your problems and find solutions”? —Sometimes all it need is time and space to breathe.
It’s not that you are going away with it or wasting time being ridiculously angry but to calm the mind and heart down so you can think better.
No matter how bad things would go. I learned that I shouldn’t place decisions in my hands. No one should ever be treated like they were possesions. We can only have what they wish to give. We can’t always get what we want.
We are free to do what we want except that we are not free not to love. If a person want to go away, let him. If he comes back then he decided to belong to love.
I read a beautiful quote about love today.
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.” -Liam Neeson