I was thinking about what I have been doing for this year. I felt like I didn’t do enough. My perception has been changed. I used to feel high on everything that is happening in my life. Like if I just got in the city from the mountains and I walked for a show. Those tears out of joy or dreamy feelings when I’m in another country or when I see the ocean. I would be nervous to eat at a fine restaurant or feel lucky to find a 5peso coin on the floor.
Everything has changed. I went back to my life 10 years ago until 2015 arrived.
I was able to travel 8 countries, 18 lagoons and beaches, 2 waterfalls, 3 peaks, 4 beauty competitions, 3 bestfriends, currently Miss Manila, once represented Philippines, touched lives, inspired people, living on my own from 14 to now and many more.
There are countless beautiful things actually happened to this life yet what I’ve actually miss feeling was the gratitude I used to have with me. My drive. My ambitions. My ability to do things no matter how hard it will take without questions. I’ve lost it because I have been receiving so many things in life and everything became just another story.
I’ve been terrible communicating to everyone when it comes to texting and commitments. My jobs disappeared one by one because I wasn’t very sure anymore about what I want. I felt I have stood up in the middle of a crossroad too long to decide which way to go until I got drawn back and forth until nothing is actually happening. I couldn’t choose which of those open doors to enter and just started realizing how much of a horrible person I was for those pains I’ve caused people because of my indecisiveness.
I want to leave you something you might want to know which I’m actually just telling myself too.
Be grateful of those little or big things. Show those people who are there for you how grateful you are to have them. Let those people you love know how much they mean to you and what you truly feel for them. You will only realized what you could have done to save them when your chances are already gone.
Forget those people who do not give a single shit about you. They will only drain your energy and live together with their misery. Enough forcing to fit in a hole you don’t belong.
Enough understanding every damn thing around you. All you need to understand in this life is yourself and what truly make you feel alive. This will reduce sufferings of other people especially those who care about you.
Violence start to grow once you started minding everything around you so focus on what you love to do and transform it into your profession.
This system we have in this world is a mix of everything to have a smooth cycle. Don’t ruin the system by stopping your function just to help others to function. We are all here in this world with a treasure waiting on every side.
Generosity only counts when given to right people. People with disability, children who are abandoned and people who are suffering from sickness and loneliness. When given to the wrong person otherwise, it is senseless and another blockage to the proper flow of the system.
Don’t always look so far away wondering what’s behind those horizons instead feel those real things first within your reach.
2016 is on its way for me to give another year of perception. And new chances of walking into the path that I really want to go. I’m going to recreate my dream and live, just live.
Happy New Year! Always feel alive.