“A piece of a plastic was hanging up in the air carried by the wind and before it hit the groud it changed its direction then stayed up hanging in the air again.”
I don’t make plans. I get up, cruise around the city, go to the gym, back home, eat, go out, come home whenever I want to or whenever I’m tired. I work different jobs 4-6 times a month because that’s when I have saved enough to pay my bills (mostly jobs I want to do). In between those days, I do what I want, chill and see what the day’s going to bring me. Sometimes I plan something but always ends up a different story. In making decisions wether I would choose work over fun is only when I’m almost broke. But my life is good. It’s spontaneous. Full of adventures. I get to go to work, go to beautiful islands for free, to festivals for free, climb mountains, write a blog, smoke some pot, party on the weekends and even fly out of the country and see the other side of the world mostly for free. I am wherever the the direction of the wind will bring me.
“If you’re not doing what you love to do, then you’re wasting your time.”
That was my philosophy. I do what I love to do but do I like my life?
Honestly, I don’t know.
There are days when I get inspired to wake up early in the morning to see the sun and pass by people waiting in endless lines for taxis and jeepneys to go to work. I go inside and see the same girl-working at the store before I went to bed -still working in the morning. And at home, I see my neighbor passing by my apartment, seem to be drained and always coming home late from work. I don’t care if they hate or love what they do but I felt jealous.
It’s not always about doing what I love to do I guess. It can’t always be about me. There are many people in this world. This isn’t just about what I love to do because then no one will ever do the dishes.
I had that phase when I had no shame to genuinely showcase my talents no matter how stupid it’s gonna make me look.
I used to speak to people with conviction because I believed in my own words. I was naive but I knew what I want. I didn’t think about what others will think of me. I wanted to learn everything. Today, I don’t do things just to learn anymore because the more I have learned the more I realized how little I know. I think about safety. I kept comparing myself to others and it is exhausting. Seems like failure is no longer acceptable. Nothing I can laugh about when I remember.
And now I’m in Singapore, a country where everything has to live by the rules (by law). I have not lived like the way they do before. Maybe here, I’ll find that balance I am looking for. I want to learn how to wake up everyday for the same routine, to follow orders, to work 9-5pm, to get drained from doing ehat you have to do and to put up a fine face even if I have big problems at home.
For me, this is my way of learning how to be responsible for myself, for other people and for my dreams. This is my way to see the soul of this world and be brave enough to live into it.
“And while the trash was hanging, the lady who’s cleaning up the street took it and threw it inside the garbage can.”